Back to work....

3 more days. That's it. It's very hard to swallow and I've tried really hard not to think about it too much. I go back on Friday. I've loved staying home and getting to enjoy my kids and family every day. I love who I am when I'm sleeping every night and up by 7:30-8:00 every morning. Working nights is hard. I love my job, but there's really no getting around the fact that it is tough trying to go on very little sleep and be the happy mom, wife...etc. I can't sleep at night and then I have a hard time waking up in the morning. I don't like what the loss of sleep makes of me! lol. I do it because I like to keep my kids out of daycare. That has always been my goal, as long as it were possible. I love the people I work with and I love my job, which is why I went to school to be a nurse. It's a very fulfilling thing. But so is staying at home. I'm very jealous of the mom's who are able to do it! It's hard to face the possibility that it may never be in the cards for me. I can keep praying right?? and believe me, I do. I feel like I enjoy my kids so much more when I'm 'normal'. I have a lot of night-shifter-friends who can identify with that I'm sure. :) Adam has had lot's of people tell him to "go to the oil fiends"....which would make me able to stay home. But we've thought about it and it's not worth it. I've got my husband home for lunch every day, he's home by 6 every night and he has decent benefits. Most weekends and all holidays off. I don't think I would be any happier if I had him for 1 week out of the month. That would be worse.  I am in a debate whether to try and get someone to come to my house a few hours in the morning to help with the kids....maybe that would help. Or maybe somewhere for the older ones to go for a bit. One huge problem is that I've got a little baby that almost refuses to take a bottle! It's been horrible. I've tried everything....the right temp, 50 different bottles, when she's awake, when she's half asleep, leaving the house so Adam is the only one home...you name it, we've done it. She gets so upset that 2 different times she's completely vomited everywhere! Scary amounts of vomit. We've had 2 successful attempts in the last couple days that is giving me a little comfort. It sure doesn't make the stress of going back to work any easier. We're not giving up yet......
Having said all that...I am determined to try and go back to work with the best attitude possible. I know I will fight tears many days...but I do find joy in some of the amazing people I get to take care of and work with. I've done it twice before, I can do it again. Heck! with Noah I was working 2 nights a week and going to school 2-3 days a week. I still don't know how I did it. But if I did that, I can do this, right??
(Anyhow, just needed to get this off my chest...there is a much happier Christmas post below this! so read on! :) )