Discouraged

I'm usually very up-beat with my postings, but for some reason tonight I feel pretty discouraged and almost sad. I feel like I have to get it out or something. But you know when your a kid and you dream about being a mom and having kids? Well, I guess I thought I was going to be this perfect mom. I remember taking mental notes of things my mom did and other moms. Some things I wanted to continue and some I didn't. I also thought I would have these well-behaved, well-spoken, respectful children. So how come today I've become a mom I'm not so proud of and my children hate each other? ok. I might be exaggerating. I don't always feel like a bad mom, but looking back on today I feel like I disciplined my children and lost my temper most of the day. 90% of the time it seems that my kids don't even like each other. They are just plain MEAN to each other. Tonight Mady was in the recliner and they were fighting. I didn't even say anything, I figured at some point they had to figure out how to resolve things without me playing referee all the time. He pushed Mady, so she poked his eye, screaming started, he pulled her hair, she pushed him off the chair and then he got up, took his shoe off and threw it at her head! It's NUTS! and so discouraging. Noah's even started hitting US when he gets mad, and Mady just screams at the top of her lungs. It's hard not to wander what I'm doing wrong. I do have a STRONG resolve to slow down, take a deep breath, pray, count to 10...just whatever it takes to find patience and be a better mom. I know when I don't have patience they seem to be WORSE. So that is my resolution at the end of this day. AHHH!
Anyhow... on a better note, everyone is doing well. I haven't blogged forever because we have been super busy! We are buying a house! YEA! Here in town, which is great that we get to keep Mady in this school district where she has made so much progress. Big selling point for us, however we won't close until the middle of June. Noah has started Toddler Lab and he loves it. I almost cried watching him. He is such a big boy. The speech therapist that used to work with Mady is in Toddler Lab working with another kid, but she remembered Noah. She came up to me and told me how well he talks and comprehends. She was shocked that he wasn't even 2 yet. She just said that he comes up with the craziest things, which is true. His biggest thing lately is, "Why?" to everything. And when you answer he says, "Oh really?" and he tells everyone, "I love your stinkin guts!". Even one of my co-workers that came over to my house to borrow a book. LOL. Well other then that I am working on their birthday party! I can't believe it. Oh and one other happy note! ECLIPSE is coming out. 3rd movie in my Twilight obsession. So excited. Midnight showing on June 29th!
Anyhow...just a couple cute pics of the kids to remind me that despite everything, they can look so innocent!
ONE nice day at the park, enjoyed it too, since it's suppose to be 45 degrees tomorrow.